Antique Doorstops

A Real Dilema........

2007-02-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

The 2008 election season has come early. There seems to be a plethora of candidates to choose from. The only problem I can see is that they all suck. Hillary F'in Clinton? Barak Obama? A self centered, miserable bitch with a messiah complex, and a nobody who has questionable ethics and no experience. These fine representatives of the party of reconciliation and friendship, are about to tear each other up and expose their true colors. Be ready for the hillaryites to unleash a barrage of insults and innuendos, and claim she is not responsible for their comments. If a candidate cannot control what her employees and toadies say on her behalf, what chance does she have to control a country. When the time comes will she send in snake oil Jim Carville to negotiate with Iran? Will she have slick willie negotiate treaties with the Chinese? And Obama? A first term senator with delusions of granduer. What is the fascination with this guy? He is a media creation just like Anna Nicole, a nothing whose legend grows in spite of the person attached to it. I got an idea, let's put ole Wild Turkey himself, teddy kennedy, out there, and we can all have a grand old time. Forget health care, we could bring back free lunches at the bar&grills. Defense budget? Just subsidize 16 hour happy hours at the local saloon. Wake up people, we are in a fight for our very existence as a nation, and what made us great now threatens to tear us down.

R.I.P. Anna Nicole..............

2007-02-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

This week we observed the passing of one of the most tragic figures of recent times. Anna Nicoile Smith was at best an oddity, in truth a pathetic tragic creature. Only in a media hyped, instant gratification society like ours would she even rate more than a passing glance. Every facet of her life was a tragic parody of reality, and she seemed to revel in the glare of absurdity. Her misadventures in life were enough to make any self respecting human cringe, but she seemed to invite the ridiculous as a matter of routine. She never did anything noteworthy in a normal sense, but her larger than life persona made her 'famous.' A stripper who married a man barely alive but with a huge bag of money, she parlayed that into a life in the spotlight. She tried to be Marilyn Monroe, but in truth she couldn't even be Anna Nicole. The day of her passing, I was watching one of the talking head entertainment programs, and they had the audacity to say that she was our 'Diana,' Are you fucking kidding me? Princess Diana was a classy, intelligent, caring woman who used her place in life to try and help others. She carried herself with dignity and style even while her personal life was trashed by an idiotic husband who never deserved her in the first place. In contast, Anna Nicole responded to the various disasters in her life by behaving more stupidly and out of control each time out. She never seemed to understand that we were laughing at her, not with her. Even in death her legacy is still being defined, with several men claiming paternity of her infant daughter. This child would be better off being raised by wolves, and for her sake I hope they keep the truth of her maternity from her forever. In the theater of the absurd, Anna Nicole was a four star player, in reality she was a sad caricature of life. RIP Anna Nicole. your 15 minutes of fame lasted far too long for your own good.

Threats From Iran................

2007-02-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

So the supreme assahola of iran has warned us against any attack against his shitty little sandhole. I am sure that President Bush and his minions are terrified by this shrimpy little camel humper. We let these fucks hold our people for over 400 days in the 70's, but that was when Jimmy Carter was in charge. Well this time around it will be a different story. This little sandass terror hole doesn't have a clue to what it is facing. The two US aircraft carriers floating off their shore can decimate their sorry asses in less than 4 hours. The firepower parked offshore can open up a can of whupass like these sandmonkeys have never imagined. They think that bluster and bullshit will carry them over in a conflict with the bigger kids. Bring it on you foul little sandfleas, you have existed outside the rule of humanity long enough, and it is time we showed your little islamic state just how insignificant you are. The world is not big enough for these little shitburgers to take up space. Time to eliminate a grave threat to all humanity. All this country stands for is violence and cowardice, if they want a fight let's do it right. Blow their nasty little asses back to the foul god they worship, the one who tells them to kill innocents while shouting his vulgar name. allah ali akbar my ass, let's see how loud their battle cry rises over the sound of cruise missles showering their unholy radical asses.

Hillary For President....................

2007-02-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

Those are the scariest three words I can think of. A more disingenuous person never walked the streets of this country. What has she got to offer us except lies, dishonesty, and bitterness? This is a woman who stood by while her husband made a mockery of their marriage and the office he held. She claimed ignorence while he screwed a chorus line of mistresses right under her nose. How can we expect her to keep our country on track when she can't even keep track of her own house? As Senator from NY she has done nothing to make her state better, hell, she never even lived here until she saw it as a stepping stone to the White House. This woman is the biggest phony since RFZK, another outsider who saw NY as his pathway to power. While I am flattered that my home state is viewed with such importance to these people, I can't help but wonder what is wrong with their home states. In Hillary's case, I'm sure the good people of Arkansas are glad to be rid of her, bitch that she is. But wtf were the voters of NY thinking when they elected her? Hopefully the rest of the country is smarter than my fellow NYers when it comes to the '08 elections, otherwise you will all be in the streets praying for the return of George W Bush. Beware my friends, we only have one chance to stop her, and believe me, she must be stopped.

FRY THIS ANIMAL NOW.....................

2007-02-01T06:05:00.000-08:00

Ronell Wilson has been convicted and sentenced to death. For those of you who don't know who he is, he executed two NYC detectives during a gun buy gone wrong. He shot them both with a Bulldog .44, while they begged for their lives. According to his sister, another low life piece of shit, Ronell was a caring, gentle young lad who really just made a little mistake. His precious mommy is a drunken drug addled crack whore who should be put down with him. When this caring young lad heard the death penalty verdict read to him, his remorsefulness showed itself. He stuck out his tongue at the wives and families of his victims, while his darling little brother yelled 'Fuck you' to the jury. Now in my opinion, this touching display of remorse really justified the verdict. This piece of trash will not be missed except by others just like him. It really pisses me off when the families of these animals try begging for mercy after the fact. The mantra of these people seems to be that killing them won't accomplih anything. Well how wrong they are. It takes an animal out of society, and if their families don't like it, tough shit. Now his lawyers promise to appeal the verdict and the sentence, while this piece of shit says he wants to die now. Let him, take him out behind the courthouse and put 2 behind his ear. And anyone in his family who doesn't like it, give them the same treatment. As for his brother, we'll undoubtedly be seeing him in a courtroom shortly. His sister is raising her own little brood, and maybe they will be decent people. Somehow I doubt it, heredity is a power unto itself. They will be raised to believe uncle ronell was a hero, a misunderstood little moppet who was victimized by society. Wrong again. Society is the victim of trash like this, and we are better off without them.

Stem Cell Research???.....

2007-01-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

From all the rhetoric and misinformation surrounding stem cell research, the well informed among us must ask what the truth is. Listening to all the talk one would think they are curing disease left and right using stem cells. During the 2004 presidential campaign, losing VP candidate john edwards announced during a speech that when john kerry is elected, people like Christopher Reeve will walk again. What a crock, but the toadies in the room exploded in applause as if they were curing cancer right there in the room. Truth is stem cells have not cured so much as a hangnail. But when did the truth matter to the likes of edwards and kerry? The only viable benefit of stem cell research at this point in time is the researchers still have jobs. They have not even come close to accomplishimg anything beneficial to humanity. Yet they want us to believe they are on the brink of bringing all diseases to their knees through this research. What then? Will the planet resemble a star trek episode where they kidnap someone just to infect the population? How many billions of dollars will they waste on foolish peripheral experiments? Will they come up with remarkable findings as a researcher in the 80's who discovered dimes sewn under the skin of rats caused cancer? How about you guys show us something before we empty our wallets into the gutter of useless research. Accomplish something or get off the proverbial pot.

Nice Try Nifong..................

2007-01-24T14:26:00.000-08:00

Well the soon to be ex DA of Durham,NC seems to be sinking deeper into the muckhole he created. This clown Nifong screwed the pooch royally in his desperate attempt at re-election. Sure, it worked at the beginning, he won the election, but at what cost? Now he is facing disbarrment, and hopefully a nice jail term. This jerk off broke more laws than the people he was trying to convict. Even though he had evidence to the contrary, he tried to ram a case through the system just to get elected. He tried to portray these young men as out of control rapists and thugs. He ignored procedure, making outrageous statements without any basis in fact. He withheld evidence that he knew would weaken his case, and never even bothered to interview the alleged victim. He also lied to the court about his knowledge of DNA evidence that was withheld. He told the testing lab to submit partial reports of the outcome, hoping it would never see the light of day. WTF was he thinking? The alleged victim had several men's DNA on her body and underwear, but none belonging to the alleged perpetrators. I guess in his mind this wasn't important, a mere blip on the screen of a more worthy goal. What was that goal? Justice for the victim? The safety of the citizens he was paid to protect? Nah, nothing quite so noble. He was protecting his ass. He was in a fight for the votes of the people, and he saw this as a way to get the vote of a racial group that he was not likely to fare well with. His 'victim' was black, the accused men were white. How fucking transparent can you get? The members of the black community thought they had someone to stand up for them against a system that always seemed to work against them. The reality was, Mike Nifong did to them what the accused supposedly did to the 'victim.' He raped every one who voted for him by his actions, and this was a far more heinous crime than he supposedly was investigating. Hopefully the real authorities in North Carolina will throw the book at this son of a bitch as a lesson to any other prosecutor who puts his own agenda ahead of the rule of law. Pack the Vaseline Mikey, I hope you're gonna need it.

Two-Thirds Of The Way...........................

2007-01-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

Apparently 66% of the American people want us out of Iraq. This is a pretty solid majority. Then why are we still there? Why aren't our troops slapping 'I Went To Baghdad And All I Got Was This Lousy Luggage Sticker' stickers on their gear and heading home? Well, it seems that the minority has all the travel visas for the troops stamped as one way tickets. Instead of getting out and letting the muttslims kill each other off, they are determined to send still more troops into the fray. Have any of these fuckers heard of Vietnam? The solution there was the same, send more troops and the problem will be solved. Only thing that did was give the enemy more targets to shoot at. Now we are doing the same thing again, and the results will be the same. I wonder how many parents of our brave soldiers are willing to see their childs name on a wall in Washington? How can you win a war where the enemy is yourself? The hearts and minds of the Arab people will not be won over by this vendetta of a war. George Bush is still pissed off about Saddam trying to kill his daddy. Well George, pick up a gun and go get him yourself. Oh wait, he's already dead. So what the fuck are we still doing there? Does anyone think that we can stop the islamic insanity on their own ground? Do they think one day the muslims will all wake up and say 'Oh shit, they really do love us and want to make our lives better.' Our arrogance and stupidity is being exposed to the world. We cannot prevail in this, all we can do is die. American lives are worth more than that, we are sacrificing young people for nothing. 9/11 is still claiming victims today, and will not stop til we are out of Iraq.

Sorry, Wrong Number........................

2007-01-20T11:02:00.000-08:00

Well the Democrats are in power now. You remember them, the ones who promised to heal the rift in this great country. I guess my definition of healing is old fashioned. But what the hell, if the democratic healing strategy works it could be the breakthrough we've been looking for for years. Think of it, using the dem strategy for healing, all it would take to cure cancer would be taking the patient out of the hospital and beating the living shit out of him or her. AIDS? Just take a stick and presto, no more infection. Think of the possibilities, clinics all over the country where the violent psycopaths of society could be put to good use. No more high priced drug therapy for the seriously ill, just a good old fashioned ass whippin to get rid of what ails ya. No more high priced medical insurance, just go to the local pub and pick a fight with the biggest guy there. Sounds stupid? You're absolutely right, but so is the new leadership of this country's representative bodies. Our country is at a crossroads that will determine the fate of future generations of Americans, and all the politicians really care about is power. They don't give a shit about the people they represent, democrat and republicans alike. The main concern in DC today is who will run for President in '08. Who cares? By then there may be nothing left to lead. We need leaders who care about this coutry and her people, not whether to support hillary or barak for president. We are in more serious trouble than we realize, and we need to unite and make the politicians aware of who they work for. Until then we don't stand a chance.

It'll Take Much More...................

2007-01-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

If this anti-war movement is to succeed, it will need leaders who can lead. Probably the best known spokesperson of the movement is one Cindy Sheehan. She is a Gold Star mother from California, and her son paid the ultimate price in Iraq. But let's face it, she is not the voice that is needed in the forefront. Last time around the movement had people who could speak. Abbie Hoffman, Danny The Red, Ronnie Kovic, the Chicago Seven.(I know, don't even bother.) This Sheehan woman couldn't incite a bake sale much less a crowd. She was on the radio with the pompous ass of the right Sean Hannity, and he made her sound like a blithering idiot. So I did a little checking, and she is a blitherting idiot. Some of her statements are so ridiculous that I shudder at the thought of people like her leading any movement but a bowel. Talk radio is a very powerful medium, and the right has a good grip on this venue. When the left tried their hand at it they lined up a bunch of clowns like Franken, Garafolo, and Randi Rhodekill. Are you fuckin kidding me? What the fuck were these idiots thinking? They were so bad that the speakers at the station were tuned to Rush Limbaugh. I don't know how many of you actually listened to these people, but it resembled a car wreck that just wouldn't stop for anything. If this is to succeed, it needs voices with power and intelligence, not some mutt of a comedy writer(yeah, you Franken) who hasn't been funny since the 'Not ready for prime time players' were in their heyday. Janeane Garafolo was so boring and repetitive that her father became a dittohead and changed his name to Pete Limbaugh. It is time to either get serious about this or face another quagmire of a war without any purpose or meaning. We filled the streets of DC with pissed off people who risked arrest and beatings for the cause we believed in. Now we hear all these whiny little shits crying about getting arrested or treated badly by the police. Get a fucking clue people, there are sacrifices to be made if we are to stop this war. When I got arrested at the May Day protests, it opened my fathers eyes a great deal. That is what we need now, something to open the eyes of the non involved. Believe me, at my first anti war rally I had no idea what to expect. I was expecting to see a bunch of hippies smoking weed and singing Country Joe and the Fish, and what I got was the shock of a lifetime. There was smoke and music galore, but there was also Tom Hayden, Alan Ginsberg and a host of others with fire in their voices and words. At the May Day protest in Washington, we awoke on a beautiful Sunday morning and looked out on a sea of white helmeted police waiting to break some skulls. Civil rights? In those days you had the right to protest, but the cops had the right to bust your face. Now these pussies cry and whine if they have to stay within boundaries. These people are not going to get it done. They are too fucking pampered and coddled to make a difference. Those DC cops rounded us up in RFK Stadium and took their sweet ass time processing our release. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS PEOPLE, EITHER BE WILLING TO FIGHT THE WHOLE FIGHT OR SHUT UP. Lawyers aren't going to make a difference in this struggle, they are going to fuck it up worse. Bring your balls, and don't cry at the little inconvienences of a night in jail, or a bruise on your ass. A bullet passing through your body hurts a lot worse, and if we can't get people to rise up we are dooming a lot more young people to this pain.

One For Omir...........................

2007-01-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

This one's for you my friend, in the hope it will inspire you to resume your postings.

Previously on this blog I related some stories of a young man who's father I worked for in my young days. This fellow who I call junior to protect his identity was , shall we say, a jackass. You know the type, only reason he had a job was because his father owned the company. His escapades were the comic relief to an otherwise routine job. Enjoy.

We made molded and formed plastic items in this factory. There were several different types of items we manufactured, and various machinery to accomplish the tasks. Now dad wanted Junior to have an idea of how to operate all the major apparatus in the plant, a reasonable request. As I related earlier in this series, we made unbreakable street lamp covers for the local electric utility. These were made from an extremely tough and durable material called Lexan polycarbonate. These covers could take a25 caliber bullet from 8 feet and come out smiling. Anyway, they were made on a machine called a Comet molder. These machines heated the raw material to rather high temperatures, and them slammed stainless steel molds from top and botton to form the product. Being how the Lexan required high heat and duration to become malleable, certain precautions needed to be taken. These included, but weren't limited to, having a half a brain. Okay, now to the story..I was one of the 4 people who ran a Comet, and it was with great trepidation I saw dad and the foreman headed my way with Junior in tow. Can't be coming here I though, he isn't gonna do this to me. Ha,ha, how wrong was I. Sure enough here comes trouble. Now the actual operation of these machines wasn't very difficult, but the setup for the job was critical. Too much heat and you had a melted mess in the bottom, too little and you could break a mold mount and have to listen to the 200 year old machinest who made the mounhts. Plus a fair delay while the mess was cleaned up. Being two days into the run, all that was necessary was to remove the finished product and insert the raw material for the next one. Sounds simple enough you say? Okay it's showtime. Junior had been out with some friends the night before, and let us say he was not at his best. So when nature called me to take a break, I left Junior at the helm with the foremans blessing. 'I'll keep an eye on him take your time.' So off I go, thankful to get away from this idiot far a few minutes. Well, seems like the foreman was distracted, and Junior went to work. He decided to catch a quick nap while the machine worked, so he sat down and put his feet up,rght on one of the heat vents for the machine. Now when the buzzer rang to announce the completion of the process, Junior went to get up. Only problem was, his sneaker had fused to the machine it was resting on. Junior, hoping no one will notice, gives a mighty yank to free himself, and it works. Only problem is, when the shoe came free Junior tumbled to the floor and rendered himself senseless. Now this was his earliest escapade at the plant, and the ones that followed became the stuff legends are made of. Check back for more, as they are plentiful. Bye for now.

By The Way...............

2007-01-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

A couple of things I myself could live without in 2007:

1) Anymore crap about Barry Bonds pharmacological exploits.
Face it, you're a cheater and a liar and I'm glad your father didn't live to see the shame you have brought to his family name. If you hit 754 I hope Hank Aaron is at home plate with a Louisville Slugger that he uses on your roid swollen head.

2) Anymore whining crap from Michelle Wie regarding her latest failure to qualify for a men's PGA event.
Why do you think you have the whole locker room to yourself little girl? Are you too good to play with the women? What are you trying to prove? So far all you have proven is that you just aren't good enough. Billie Jean King you ain't. Maybe your endorsement money is good, but what about self-respect? But I guess you can live with being a wealthy joke. Just try to quit after you've set women back a hundred or so years.

3) Anything and everything from senator chuck schumer. Has there ever been a man more in love with the sound of his own voice? This guy has done nothing in his years in the Senate except show up every timew a camera warms up anywhere within 10 miles of him. Our former Senator may have been a crook, but at least he wasn't a loudmouthed jackass.

4) Hillary Clinton. A more over promoted blank page has never seen the light of day. For all you hillaryheads out there, just post an opinion including one thing she has done for anyone but herfuckingself.

What Was Nifong Smoking?......................

2007-01-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

The prosecutor in the Duke 'rape' case is my candidate for the Jackass Of The Year award. Mike Nifong did just about everything but throw a rope over a tree branch and lynch these three kids. He basically proclaimed them guilty in the press, ran a phony photo lineup, and withheld evidence that I would think rather important.(That the 'suspects' DNA was nowhere on the 'victim'). Now this is bad enough, but after all of these events, he revealed he had not yet spoken with the 'victim' in the case. And now after the 'victim' has changed her story for the umpteenth time, he drops the rape charges. This was the first smart thing this guy has done in this whole case. How can a man in a position like his be so damn stupid? What did he think when he heard that the 'victim' wasn't sure she was raped? Now I think anyone who has been raped certainly could tell you what occured, even if they block the awful details in their mind. But to many observers this was the final sword through the case. But old bullhead Mike decides to now turn the case over to the state AG, who seems about as happy as the guy who just took a pot of boliling hot coffee to the nuts in the local Stuckey's. I guess my fascination with this case is the same as the ols car wreck scenario, where you don't have any choice but to slow down and look hard as you go by. But for all the mistakes this clown of a DA has made, you've got to give him some props. I mean how many people can fuck things up so bad and still think they can get out of it clean? These kids may very well be guilty of some things, arrogance, taking advantage of the things they never earned for themselves, and bad judgement in their choice of entertainment for a party. But the fact that that the methods used against them would rival camp Gitmo, I don't see how they can be convicted of any of these charges. Maybe the DA should have moved a little slower in the media prosecution of this case, but that would have put him past election day. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! He was up for reelection you say? Could that account for his loss of brain function? Dam, now I went and made this political. Shame on me.......

It's A Civil War Dammit..................

2007-01-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

And even though we started it, it's time to come home. My personal conservatism will not stand in the way of my loathing for the senseles deaths of our men and women. My generation lost 55,000+ of it's sons and daughters. and now we are condemning our childrens generation to the same legacy. I don't want my sons standing in front of some cold granite wall reading the names of friends and playmates who were killed. I have done it and it is a very sobering experience. I have lived my life in NY, on Long Island. and I stood in my yard watching the smoke and evil glow in the sky in the days after 9/11. I have been to the hole where the Towers stood and it filled me with hate and rage to think of the innocent lives lost to madmen in the name of their god. Well if this is what pleases your allah, then fuck all of you. Any muslim in this country who is not outraged and speaking against this shit should get the hell out and go live in the stinkholes that you came from. We were fine without all you camelfuckers and will be a better place if you all were dead. Yeah, I said it, fuck you and your allah, and your mosques and your families. You came here to reap the rewards of this society, yet you do nothing to sustain it. You should all get down and pray to NY that you aren't treated in this country as our people are treated in your homelands. AMERICA, love it or leavbe it. Better yet, just fucking leave it. You will not be missed.

Back From The Depths

2007-01-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

Hello again from the other side. My last message was rather harsh toward my liberal brethren, and I apologize. At that point in time I was still of the belief that we were on the proper course in Iraq. Well, what a fool I was. (my wife read that last line and is grinning like the Chesire cat). We are again in a hopeless quagmire of a war with no end in sight. Welcome to VietNam II, and again it is time to go to the streets and stop this insanity. 3,000 men are gone and bin-laden is still unaccounted for. Hussein was a barbarian and the world is better rid of him, but what do we do with this insane fuckin Iranian. Are we going to let him build a nuclear weapon while we manage a civil war in Iraq? Get out now, we are facing a real threat from North Korea, and Iran, and a huge mistake like Iraq only emboldens these maniacs. If the shias and sunnis kill each other in the streeets of Bagdad so be it. The less there will be left to wage their senseless jihad. As far as the muslims in America, I still think their silence on the whole terrorism thing speaks volumes. Their senseless hatred of our values and way of life still irritates the hell out of me, and if they want me dead I say draw down on me and we'll settle it right there. But no, the cowards that they are will sneak through the night and murder women and children in the name of their god. My religon has an entity like this also, he is called Satan, but that is just my take on the matter. Take it as you will, but if we don't stop these brutal animals we are going to regret it dearly. Any of you remember the Twin Towers? Or the 2,900 inocent people who died that day? Oh right, our government did that. You horses asses who believe that, well I got this bridge over in Brooklyn that I'd like to sell you. I'm getting to old for this shit, so I'll just say goodnight for now. But be warned, I will be back.

Religious Tolerance At Last....................

2005-07-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

The last few years in this country have seen an extreme intolerance from the left over religion in America. The left has whined and moaned about the Christian conservatives trying to turn this into a secular nation. Well as time has passed the left now seems all concerned about people being allowed to observe their beliefs without question. They are willing to assist in any way possible, including supplying qurans, prayer mats, and pointing their asses toward mecca. Yes my friends, the same people who villify their countrymen for a belief system seem to think freedom to express a love for god only applies to the godless murdering animals confined at club Gitmo. Maybe we can have toad kennedy or fuck schumer propose 'Take a terrorist to work day', so the scumbags who would like to see our children murdered could have an appreciation for Americans work ethic. How about all you motherfuckers crying about the treatment of these pieces of shit take them home to live with your families. Sound silly to you? Why? What do you loudmouth assholes propose we do with them? Maybe turn them loose to kill more infidels? How about it Senator mccain, have a new butler from the core of al-queda? Or maybe just shut the fuck up and start treating them as they would treat us, or is that too harsh for your leftist sensibilties? Maybe what I'm saying is shut up til you have something worth saying. Or in the case of the democratic leadership, forever.

My Own Way...................

2005-06-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

I have never considered myself a political person, I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to his own path in life. But when I hear the crap being spouted by these anti Bush morons it makes my blood boil. To have a chicken shit like Dick Durbin or John Kerry trash the brave men and women standing between us and these animals who would do us harm, I will loose my tongue. Up yours michael moore, screw you sean penn, eat dirt susan sarandon, kiss a dog chevy chase, just go away whoopie goldberg. I am not a fan of Mr Bush, but he is the President, and deserves a modicum of respect. When our ememies read these losers rants, they are smiling in victory. We are one, and we should stand together. My generation stopped a war and brought down a President, but the circumstances were a little different. The US was not attacked or targeted by the Vietnamese, but we have been by the muslim world. So read these words and try to think for yourself.

Have you forgotten
How it felt that day
To see your country under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten
When those towers fell
We had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell

I had friends and neighbors die there. I see families in my church missing members who were murdered that day. Some were inside the building, some ran inside to save those who couldn't save themselves. So think about them, and hope that someday we will heal and love each other again. Pray for peace my friends, and remember those who gave their lives, not so we would hate each other, but that we could stand as one and never falter.

Fishing With Junior......

2005-06-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

It gives me great joy to relate another little narrative featuring the beloved Junior. Our previous adventures took place in the workplace that his father owned, but today we take to the great outdoors. So sit back, take yer shoes off, and enjoy the tale.

The company was in the midst of a breakout year, sales were booming, new product sales were at an all time high, and dad decided to reward his minions with a little R&R. It was deemed that a charter fishing trip would be a nice diversion. So the Saturday after the 4th of July we gathered at the Captree State Park. (For those new to my world, I am lucky enough to live on an island located slightly east of NY City.) It was a beautiful day, and spirits were high, anticipations were of fun, sun and good fishin. We set sail at about 11:00A.M., and the first 45 minutes or so were uneventful as we headed towards the designated angling locale. We arrived at Captain Dennis's favorite spot and proceeded to commence fishing. Now for the non-fishermen among you, the ritual of man against the sea is biblical in nature. As the great sage and philosopher Mofieslop once uttered, "A man holding his pole above the water is as close to God as he ever will be." We all set about baiting our hooks, which is a pretty simple task, when the hand of fate once again found junior. He was tying the hook to his line, using the 'are you an f'ing moron? ' technique. This was accomplished by holding the hook between your teeth and tying the necessary knot in the line with both hands. With typical finesse, junior hooked the first catch of the day. This was achieved without wetting his line, baiting his hook, or approaching the side of the boat. As you may have guessed by now, junior had miscalculated the degree of difficulty of this manuever and had hooked himself firmly through the lip. Now this is usually not a disaster in general, but being how this was junior, it soon developed into a nightmare. All we had to do was snip the barb with pliers and slide the shaft back out. But the gods would not let junior off that easy. Dad witnessed this event, and while wondering if he had really needed the expensive four years of college that had gotten his son to this point in life, kind of lost his composure. It had been his privelege to witness his boys misadventures, but this was too much. Now we all have had moments when, to save ourselves a lengthy prison term, we take out our frustrations on a nearby inanimate object. Pop was no different in this regard, and he gave way to his rage. Unfortunately for junior, the nearby object was a fishing pole, the very one that was attached to his lip by a bass hook. As the pole flew across the boat, the sight of junior flapping his arms as he fruitlessly tried to outrun the pole was too funny to describe. There was a happy side to this story though, for while junior took three stitches to his lip, this time he did not lose consciousness. Although in retrospect I'm sure he wished he had. See you all next time, Peace.

Simon

I Am Honored.......

2005-05-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at my favorite blog this evening, that of the wise and benificent Omir the Storyteller, my head swelled with pride when I saw the link to my humble locale. To be included in his list of friends is indeed a great honor. If you have arrived here thru this link, I hope you have enjoyed your time here, and I hope you will return. To my dear friend Omir, I hope my musings entertain your minions as we enjoy each others correspondences. I thank you for the fame, may your tent be always downwind from the dungpile.

P.S. I wish your son wealth, fame, but above all happiness in his new endeavor. Peace my friend.

A Little More On Junior........

2005-05-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

My last little story concerned the boss's son in a place I worked at many years ago. So I figured I'd give him one more go around. That story was about his misadventure with some very tough plastic street lamp covers, a seemingly innocuos, non dangerous item. But as I related in that tale, in the hands of junior, anything could be a fatal. We also manufactured toilets for recreational vehicles, another seemingly harmless item. At the plant Christmas party, junior was again in rare form, and the alert level was at red. We had been filling a rather large order for the campotties, and there was a large amount of the units in the shop area. Now the potties were made from three main pieces, the tank, the seating area, and the holding tub. The seat sat on top of the holding tub, and was secured by a flange on the inside of the tub. Well junior saw a fine oppurtunity for a laugh, and headed for the toilet that was sitting in front of about 70 other units. So old junior made his way to the display, and announced that he was about to ascend the 'throne' as befitting a prince of industry. Problem with this was, the three pieces were not secured togethwer, but were just set on top of one another. When junior took his place on the throne, the whole thing came apart, with junior under a pile of unassembled potties, and you guessed it, unconscious.

The Boss's Son..........

2005-05-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

When I was in my early twenties, back around the time when the Earth's crust was still cooling, I worked in a plastic fabrication company. We made all kinds of little doodads, ranging from ice cube drip trays for refrigerators, to massive developing tanks for photo labs. Our largest customer was the local elecric monopoly, er utility, for who we made the covers for street lamps. Being a favorite target for bored neighborhood kids, these covers were made from a virtually indestructable Polycarbonate called Lexan. The owner had a son who, to put it kindly, was an abject moron. You know the type, only reason he had a job was because daddy owned the company. Whenever junior was on the floor, everyone was on red alert because something strange usually happened.
On this particular day, we had a visit from the electric company's bigwigs, who had brought along two reps from utilities in the midwest who were interested in the street light covers. This was a huge event, due to the large profit margins that this product generated. Junior was in rare form that day, and the whole place was wondering just how he would manage to screw things up totally. After the usual. 'Look at these neat little items tour.', the time came to show off the Lexan. Junior walked to a stack of the covers, fresh off the mold, and proceeded to put on his demonstration of their toughness. Now we used rubber mallets to tap the covers free from the molds, and junior decided to use one in his demo. This was the moment we all had been waiting for. We weren't sure how, but we all knew it was showtime. So junior places the cover on the floor, kneels before it, and tells all within earshot, 'Watch how tough these things are.' He proceeded to raise the mallet, and with a great flourish, brought it down with a mighty swing. The cover performed magnificently, deflecting the blow without a mark to show for it. Junior, however, did niot fare as well. In typical fashion, he had miscalculted the direction of the rebound, which caught him square in the forehead, rendering him unconscious on the floor. The story has a happy ending, as the buyers were so impressed that they immediately placed a large order for the product. We were never sure whether the deal was closed by the Lexan, or by the entertainment provided by junior. I figure it was a combination of the two, but it makes for a pretty funny story whatever the case.
Til next time,
Simon

A Country Thanksgiving......

2005-05-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is a true story, you can't make this stuff up.

My mother's family is from the northwest corner of Connecticut, up in the Berkshire Mountains. Farm communities, real nice, down to earth people. My family lived down on Long Island, but spent our summers with my grandmother and uncles who lived up there. My mom's brother had been a NYC fireman who retired in the early 50's, and moved up to the mountains to raise his family. He opened a real estate office in the town of Warren, and did quite well for himself. My cousin Bob, while six years my senior, always managed to include me in the group of friends from the area. One of these families, we'll call them the Thompsons, had 5 boys a year apart each in age. The oldest son, Henry, was a year younger than Bob, and the youngest, nicknamed Elk was my age. Elk and I remained friends through the 70's til marriage and families of our own sent us our seperate ways.

My Uncle passed away in the early 90's, and at the funeral I saw Henry for the first time in twenty years. We started to talk, and the subject turned to Elk.

Hate to ramble, but Henry is your stereotypical farm boy. He doesn't just tell you a story, he makes you feel like you're in the yarn. He says, 'Let me tell ya a story about ole Elk.'

Elk still lived on and ran the family dairy farm. The previous summer, he had noticed a bunch of wild turkeys living in the woods just off one of his pastures. So ole Elk being the mighty mountain man, announces that he will prepare the family's Thanksgiving feast the traditional way. He will hunt and slay the main course as his forefathers had done. So a few days prior to the big day, Elk takes his son, and his gun, off to the fields and within a few hours returned home with his prize. Mrs. Elk isn't real haapy, because the frozen turkeys at the Bohack are a hell of a lot easier to prepare. But she figures let him get it out of his system, he'll be happy for a day anyway.

So the day comes, and the family gets ready for the trip to church. Mrs. Elk puts the bird in the oven, and off they go. Now understand that church is the social event of the week in these communities. The church is 26 miles away, serves 6 towns, and everyone knows each other. Many are family, as the generations stayed close to home. So with the drive, the sevices, and the standin catchin up talk is finished, it's a 3 1/2-4 hour outing. Of course the story of the week was how ole Elk had hunted the family dinner this year. There was handshaking, and backslappin, and bellylaughing as the story grew to legend.

So ole Elk and the family, and his in-laws, and 3 of his brothers and their families arrived at the house some 4 hours later, and are expecting a fine dinner and happy family gathering. Mrs. Elk opens the door, and the odiferous cloud that greets her almost knocks her over. The whole house reeks with the most foul smell imaginable, even in skunk country.

We've all heard the saying, 'You are what you eat,' right? Well it seems like the turkeys had developed a great love for the corn they found in the fields, but it had already been through the cows. So after opening all the windows in the house, and removing the reeking carcass to the mulch pile, the whole 26 of them descended upon the local Denny's. A fine time was had by all, except maybe ole Elk, who spent the whole afternoon wondering what his old friend Murray Oxe was up to these days.

Dude, Where's My Movie?

2005-05-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was eagerly awaiting the release of ' Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy.' The original BBC series is a classic piece of sci-fi comedy, and I thought it would translate well to the big screen. IMHO,the people responsible for this travesty should be fed to the ravenous bugbladder beast of trall. If you haven't seen the original, by all means go enjoy this one, but for those who know the real thing, forget it. 2/3 of the way through, the new movie takes a hard left into some ridiculous 'Extreme Makeover Home Edition.' No cafe at the end of the universe, or any of the rest of the original is anywhere to be seen. They tossed out the best part!!!! Terrible let down, a nightmare of a rewrite. I give it 1/2 star, and I'm glad I bought a boot off the street instead of plunking down 8 bucks a head to see this dreck. Bleh.

The Story of Murray Oxe

2005-05-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

This is a story I was told by an old trucker at a greasy spoon in Tennessee many years ago. I relay it here in memory of the long defunct Mule's Diner.

Murray Oxe came from the wealthiest, most perfect family in Shawshank Tenn. He was engaged to the beautiful Kathleen Dorp, and the wedding was the biggest event that ever hit town. The whole county, 700 strong, gathered at the high school auditorium to send the newlyweds off on their way. The food was fine, the liquor was flowing, and a grand time was being had by all. Then the groom came up to speak, and the crowd fell silent to hear Murray's words. As he started to speak, the loudest fart anyone had ever heard erupted from poor Murray. The crowd roared with laughter, the bride fainted, and Murray ran from the room, hopped in his car and sped away.
Many years passed, and Murray decided one day to return home. It's been over twenty years, surely no one remembers what occured that awful night. So Murray packed a bag, said his goodbyes, and left for home. Many miles later, Murray arrived in Shawshank. 'It's just the same as the day I left' thought Murray,'What a wonderful feeling being home.' As he walked thoough the streets he was kicking himself for waiting so long to return. He was so happy to be there that he let all thoughts of the past drift away. No one would remember that day, no one would care. For the rest of his life he would remain here where he always belonged.
He stopped and sat on a bench in the park, content as a man could ever be. He became aware of a young child and his mother talking at the end of the bench.
'Mommy, I can never remember when my birthday is.' the child cried to his mother.
'Don't cry Billy, it's easy to remember' the mother told the child. 'It's the day after the anniversary of Murray's fart.'
Murray Oxe left Shawshank for good on the next bus.

Humility, Or Something Like It

2005-05-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

For most of my 53 years on this Earth, I have considered myself a fairly smart person. Never at a loss for words, always a smart or witty remark at the right time. Then came the day I decided to go digital with my contributions to humanity. Armed with my keyboard and vast wealth of knowledge and experience, I decided to open my very own blog. Starting off was a snap, as the folks here at blogspot have pretty much idiot-proofed the process. Then came the long awaited moment when I would dazzle the world and become a household name. Welllll, forget the dazzle, hopefully I won't humiliate myself too badly as I weave my way down the info superhighway, armed with the sad realization that I, like so many others, really have nothing worthwhile to say. Maybe next time friends.

Welcome All....................

2005-05-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

I would like to welcome anyone who happens to pass through here. I have no idea why anyone would be here, unless you are lost on the information super highway. But if you are here, kick back, put your feet up and enjoy. Just one thing, use your coaster.